[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | three days grace,linkin park, and the tv in the background ]
i dont know how to feel now...i dont want to feel.i want to stop it.stop it all and maybe i'm being a baby..maybe i'm being some stupid girl that gives it all away but i was careful...i kept my heart closed..i have learned from some of my closest friends what this love thing can do to you...(you guys know who you are and that i love ya guys *big giant hugs* but i opened up..i cared.still do..and he has a girlfriend.and she thinks me and him are together behind her back..i may want him but i'd never steal some guy..from anyone..at least i wouldnt on perpose how ever you fucking spell it..*sighs..wants to cry wants to cut,,-i told him i cared about him that i thought i was in love with him and he said he felt the same way so why the fuck is he in her arms...why???i hate this..i feel so weak..i feel so selfish so "broken" but i'm not..i know i'm not...i'm not weak.i'm not that selfish..i just..hate this feeling..and haveing no one to really talk to about it...because my friends say they wanna listen want me to "open up" but when i do i'm suddenly being selfish and stuck up....*sighs as she looks around..* i called his cell..to talk to her to stairght it up..but no one answers and i doubt she'll call me back..*tries to call again no answer puts on some linkin park* i wanna cut so fucking bad just gore up my arms...run the razor up and down my arms a thousand times...and cry for days..and the worst part is i'm being a big gian baby over this...because i know some people that have had it worse and here i am bitching about how some guy said he liked me but really didnt and how hurtful i feel..the thing is..this is or was which ever come first..is my first love..or heartbreak and i never got to go out with him on one simple date and feel like cutting my arms off my body..or something like that so i just bleed...and cry...and scream and wonder why in the hell i gave in to this love thing *listens to three days grace and wonders if she could run downstairs and cut the fuck outta her legs before anyne would catch her* i have no one have had no one..i've never been kissed but a guy..but yet i've kissed a girl..no i'm not a lesbian..but i'm not completely into guys..i like who i like i guess i dunno..everything feels like too much..i wish i could just call someone and have them come over and just hug me and let me fucking cry *plays the song again i could be mean i could be angry i could be just like you..* I FUCKING HATE THIS i hate this I FUCKING HATE THIS..i wish he'd pick up his damn phone..maybe i'll have britt call him..and have him call me back...*calls she will*
maybe he'll call me back...or answer her..i dont fucking know..I WANT TO FUCKING TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THIS AND HAVE THEM NOT THINK I'M SOME STUPID LIL STUCK UP GIRL WHO JUST WANTS ATTENDION BECAUSE I FUCKING DONT.I JUST WANT TO BITCH...arg.i'm going to go cut now i dont fucking care anymore...
~Dani
This is my thoughts,my rants,my lies,my,mistakes,my tears,my smiles,my world..and how i see it..IF YOU DONT LIKE IT DONT READ IT.