yesterday sucked.i got in a fight with michael becuz he was pissed at gina for hurting herself for no reason.but i was like duh its her choice you cant make her not do it.i was a bitch.i was pissed.cuz i feel invisible when ever he talks about her.stupid but yeah.i feel alone in my own damn house with everyone in it.when someone is fucking talking to me.cuz i feel so damn unpretty.i'll never be loved.i'll be in love but never get that love in return.just kisses and giving head.em i really so blurry?so unlove unpretty?why cant you see me when i 'm right in front of you?are you blind? i hate loveing someone i cant love.why cant i be loved is it my size?well fuck you.i'll just put a smile on my face and pertend everythings okay and i'll listen to you all bitch.and try not to cut or cry when i'm all alone.becuz i am.i have like five good friends.and the rest talk there shit.i pertend not to care i pertend to cry.sometimes my smile is real like when i read a peom or a song that sounds like one of my friends or when people say i love you.but do i really have to believe them?okies heres why yester sucked
got in a fight with michael...i bitched i yelled...
britt called me crying but she couldn't come over.i couldn't go over there becuz i was babysitting a 7 yr old,2 five yr olds and a 2 yr old.i was afiard she was gunna committ cuz she said she was calling to say goodbye....
jeez that was scary.reminds me of when josh said that when bunnie said it was over.jessica called me and bragged about sexing jake((thanks for the word michael)).josh called.we fought.he came over after my parents went to bed.((and britt was asleep she slept over))and we sat in m,y living room and just talked.i told him i loved him complety and it hurt everytime we just kissed and he said it meant nothing ans i told him that i was sorry for pushing him away.he came over to me and hugged me as i cryed.i looked up at him and he smiled.and kissed me and said everything was gunna be allright.and that he loved me but he didnt want to be tied down((smack))and that he just wanted to be best friends with me *drum roll*and fuck buddies.i almost smakced him i pushed him away.saying fuck you get outta my house now.and he was just stareing.plz i cryed.but he didnt move.i said how come you want me to be just your friend how can you think i can just forget everything yes you were gonig out with my best friend yes you just maded out with me and some party but...you said you loved me and wanted to be with me and i pushed you away now i want to be with you and all you want is sex.he just looked at me with his bright green eyes.saying i'm sorry dani everythings changed.you.bunnie.me.i just dont wanna hurt anyone else and i dont wanna be tied down right know.i just looked at him and said get out.and finally he left.i walked up to my moms cabinet and grabbed some vodka and a razor blade i didnt care if she or britt caught me ((they didnt))i went into my bathroom and layed down in the bathtub and cryed. and drank and cut.it was terrible.razor blades cut so deep i have a big cut in my leg thought i needed stitches.but i didnt.i drank almost all of the vodka ((about half actually))buzzed.passed out.thank god britt woke up early and found me and woke me up and took me into my room and cleaned up my bleed and puke.i love her for it.and put me too sleep.my bed was so comfy.needless to say i was very hung over today.didnt wake up til 1:00 pm.now i'm up and feeling terrible i need a hug.alot of them.*sigh*i want josh.i need him.but no.done
~Rem
This is my thoughts,my rants,my lies,my,mistakes,my tears,my smiles,my world..and how i see it..IF YOU DONT LIKE IT DONT READ IT.