[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | tHE ATARIS~the boys of summer.....good song ]
why does it alwayz happen i like you.you like me.but you got a girlfriend.so i can see.that you really dont care about me.i have this stupid selfish feeling that i'll never find my true love to be...i have crushes and make out but it doesnt seem to matter nothing everyseems to be the same sometimes i wish i was a little kid still thinking boys have cooties...*sighz*i cut again not deep but enough to bleed.i had to i felt so alone i still do.My mom was hurting again and so i watched my sisters and cleaned house...but i just cant take this...i have friends but i'm such a bad person i wonder why people even talk to me sumtimes...most of the time.i hate this i hate being this person whos such a bitch i alwayz need people talking about me and if they dont i want them to shut up....what the hell is wrong with me?i feel like screaming like tearing up all the posters hanging from my wallz and grabbing a marker and confessing that i'm sorry i couldnt be a good person and that i love everybody all my friends and family then taking my life but razor or gun making it so it cant be undone.But i just know i wouldn't be able to do it...i love people.i love him i love her i i i i i me me me me *sighz* ifeel like i shouldnt trust anyone...because i'm told lies almost everyday..."em i stuck up britt?" "no dani your not"blah blah dont feed me with shit i dont eat it it doesnt help my figure...ya right like i have a figure jabba the hutts maybe...*sighz louder*i just feel like i'm such a bad person..selfish dishonest bitchy moody that i dont see how people can talk to me and listen to me i hate how i think these stupid thoughts about "maybe he likes me" "or him" "or him"blah blah blah...i just wanna feel comforable with this with that but i cant be myself when i cant even look in the mirror....cant even see what i've become what i am who i am.This person who has nothing to give to this world i feel like going mute or disappearing into the nite and living off clams and fish on a island all by myself so i cant hurt anyone and cant get hurt or feel like i have to be loved to be happy.numb.from everything. how would it feel to cut into my skin and not feel all my bleeding escapeing the poison thats my thoughts and feelings..running away from my own head.aw silence.*looks around and wonders*will i be alone even after death?will i still feel these feelings?still be trapped.i mean what have i got to give..nothing what have i got to live for?my friends that will leave me no boyfriend to hold me my parents argue about me and think i'm being a rebel..*grabs a glass of water*and i'm really depressed right know..sick of eveything i wish i could just be numb not hollow...sleep use to be my only ecape but now i'm not even sleeping well mostly cuz of my damn cold but still.i just wanna feel loved.i just i just i i i i i i i me me me me me me me me *wants to scream*i wonder if anyone would miss me?would my mom?dad?sisters?friends?selfish i know but i have to wonder...how would i do it if i had enough nerve?razor?gun?pills?rope?roof?starve?runaway?....i think i would use a gun blow my fucking brains out..i'd be dead.i'd leave a note saying i couldnt handle all this shit when it was only just a nightmare thats been haunting me.will i wake up if i die?i mean whatever i mean.i guess i'm just saying right now i wanna go lay down and weep and weep til i drown in my own tears and fears.but i cant just cry i have reason i have the means but i just cant i want to let it all out all this anger all this saddness all the pain i'm such a dramaqueen hence the name.i feel sooo so so out there.like nothing will ever happen but be the same as well ope i need more agua *gets up and grabs water*i keep on waiting for something to change in my love life *eep*then everything stays the same
MY WISHES~britt doesnt have to go to nevada or be a bitch bunny has a decent boyfriend even if its jake,My mom is better no more pain but will still be alive till i'm 100,my step dad will be nicer and care about my mom more,gina and michael will stay together forever + ever and i'll come over to watch there kids for em,diana will be happy,bob will find someone better,tyler will stop caring,and i'll be dead.wow wishing takes alot outta you.but i think trying not to feel is worst.i've tryed so hard to pretend like i dont care about anyone..no crushes i mean but its soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard....so trying.it hurts to stop caring but yet it hurts to care...i'm spilling out everything...wow.maybe i feel better maybe i'll be truly happy and all my friends will be too maybe i'll die trying maybe just maybe i'll find love.....................
~Dani
P.S. 13 dayz ans 14 dayz
This is my thoughts,my rants,my lies,my,mistakes,my tears,my smiles,my world..and how i see it..IF YOU DONT LIKE IT DONT READ IT.